AGGIE JOKES. We should build a definitive repository.

[.45s]

Man, there must be a bunch of young ones here who haven’t learned Aggie jokes.

 

An Aggie comes home early from work and finds his wife in bed with another man.  In anger, he rushes over to the dresser and grabs a pistol from one of the drawers.  He puts it to his head and his wife yells “Please don’t”.  He looks at her and says “Shut up, you’re next bit_h”.

[MarkInAustin]

An Aggie walks up to the library reference desk and orders a cheeseburger, fries, and sweet tea.

The librarian whispers "This is a library!"

The Aggie whispers back: "I want a cheeseburger, fries, and sweet tea."

 

[MarkInAustin]

Dude graduates from Texas A&M school of Agriculture, goes into a farm supply store and orders two hundred chicks, explaining to the owner that he wants to start a chicken farm. Two weeks later, he returns to the store and buys another two hundred chicks. The owner is curious, but doesn't say anything. The same thing happens when the Aggie returns in another two weeks for another two hundred chicks. When he returns for the fourth time, the owner's curiosity is too much for him, so he asks the Aggie why he keeps coming back for so many chicks. The Aggie says, "Well, I guess I must be doing something wrong, but I don't know what. I think I'm either planting them too deep or too close together."

Bemused by his lack of success, the Aggie sends off a report of what he has done to Texas A&M, asking for advice. Three weeks later, the reply comes back, saying simply, "Please send soil sample."

[MarkInAustin]

Two Aggies had bagged a deer and were dragging it by the rear legs back to the truck. But the antlers kept getting stuck in the mud. One says to the other, "This is tough but we only got about 1 mile left to reach the truck."

A third hunter saw their dilemma and told them, "If you drag the deer the other way, the antlers won't stick in the mud."

So the Aggies give it try and it works! The first Aggie says, "That hunter was right! This way is a lot easier."

The second Aggie says, "Sure was, but now we're two miles from the truck."

[MarkInAustin]

Why do they have astroturf at Kyle Field?
To keep the cheerleaders from grazing.

[MarkInAustin]

Dude's chicks finally grow up despite Dude's attempts to plant them.  

Some of then get sick and he fears they have Newcastle, which could wipe out his flock.  So after strangling one he sends the hen off to the A&M lab for diagnosis.  

The lab reports back: this chicken died from a broken neck.

[Mike Hill]

They had to take the "911" off the the police cars in College Station...

Them Aggies kept stealin' them thinking they were Porsches. 

[Mike Hill]

There was this guy that lived down by College Station and he had a buddy that was and Aggie, he called his buddy up one day and his Aggie buddy was telling him he was very depressed. The guy asked him, why are you so depressed? The Aggie says well I picked up this puzzle and I've been working on it all afternoon and I can't get the puzzle to look like the picture on the box. His buddy asks, what's the puzzle supposed to look like and Aggie says a rooster. So his buddy says well hang on I'll come over and see if I can help and over he goes. He gets there comes walking in takes a look at the Aggie, a look at the table and looks at the puzzle, and says well I can certainly understand why you're feeling so frustrated with that puzzle. I tell you what, why don't you just go outside grab you a beer and sit out on the porch and try to calm down and I'll see if I can get all these Corn Flakes back into the box...