Coaching Carosel : Tin Foil Hat Time

Jaybird · 2025-12-13T19:12:57Z

Fellas (and ladies),

Hope everyone is having a great Saturday and is gearing up for the holiday stretch. Today, the foil is extra
shiny. We’re talking full-on mad scientist board, red string, pushpins, and caffeine-induced paranoia.

The Things We Know

Michigan is hunting for a head coach. Top-10 job, prime chaos generator.
Marcus Freeman is whispered to the Giants (Dianna Russini, morning intel).
Kenny Dillingham looks ready to extend at Arizona State.

All else? Spooky whispers floating around, which brings up the next section.

Rumor Fog: The Wild Stuff

Kalen DeBoer may bolt Alabama for Michigan. If he does, Alabama’s immediate reaction: call Sarkisian, revive Kiffin, maybe ring up a few random NFL coordinators just for drama.
Lane Kiffin could, in a fit of déjà vu, leave LSU mid-season for Alabama, leaving a wake of destroyed recruiting pipelines and enraged boosters.
Lincoln Riley may contemplate the Big 12, USC, or for all we know try and smoke another brisket but there does seem to be trouble in paradise. (sans #1 recruiting class)
Sark rumors to the NFL? Pfft. Put to rest… for now.

The Red String Matrix

Michigan pulls the first domino:

DeBoer to Michigan: Alabama freaks out.
Sark is called. Texas updates its spreadsheets.
Kiffin seriously considers leaving LSU again, maybe texting a GIF about it.
Ole Miss sends a voodoo doll via private jet to LSU. Just kidding. Maybe.

OR

Michigan grabs an NFL coach: Entire college world sighs in relief. Except the Big Ten, which starts betting pools.

Another Power 4 coach: Mid-tier universities suddenly panic and sign whoever will pick up the phone at 2 a.m. I'd think hat a coach like Lanning may take a call. Would introduce some real deal ramifications. (Not even mentioning the fact that ND could open too)

IF DeBoer to Michigan Happens?

Every call, every agent, every rumor multiplies exponentially. (Including Sarkisian).
If DeBoer stays, everyone loses leverage and the SEC suddenly seems boring. (pertaining to coaching chaos)
USC / Riley Variable: Riley ponders the cosmos, maybe picks USC, maybe calls Mars for advice. Big 12 hypothetical chaos ensues if he entertains the idea. (He always seemed like more of the type to bully lesser talent) Sure looks like Utah may be searching for a coach if Whittingham cannot get his assistant promoted.
NFL Static: Freeman to Giants. Notre Dame quietly develops a new panic plan. (Where the Fhit hits the san)
Sark to NFL. Not this year, filed under “future spice.”