Needing advice.

[Texas fan in Georgia]

I hate to bring this to OTF, but I’m truly looking for guidance, has anybody been through divorce? My wife recently informed me of her intentions which was completely out of no where for me. I feel weird even asking this here, but if I’m being honest, I really have no where else to turn. We were together 8 years, have a child together and I’ve been her daughter’s father for these 8 years.  Just looking for guidance . If not allowed please delete

[Bunk Moreland]

I’m sorry to hear that, brother. Marriage is hard. I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to offer my solidarity and good wishes. I hope you make it through this. 

[Buck Travis]

Very sorry to hear that. I've only seen friends and in-laws go through a divorce. My observation is that you need the meanest attorney you can afford. And probably a counselor to help with the emotional issues. Believe that, in time, you'll be fine. 

[Texas fan in Georgia]

1 minute ago, Bunk Moreland said:

I’m sorry to hear that, brother. Marriage is hard. I don’t have any advice, but just wanted to offer my solidarity and good wishes. I hope you make it through this. 

Thanks man. I hope I do too. Definitely wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy

[UTexas]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have any advise even after watching almost all of my friends go through the same thing. Just stay strong and rest assured you did everything you could. 
 

As I’ve told all my friends tomorrow is a new day. 

Edited Sunday at 08:48 PM by UTexas

[Alex Butler]

I’ve been through a divorce, we didn’t have kids but it was definitely a surprise when she told me too. DM me and I’m happy to discuss further.  Sorry you’re going through this. Definitely tough. 

[Tim Longoria]

Been through 2, and what I can tell you is every situation is different. You can message me as well and I'll try to help where I can

[Ace Recruiter]

I haven't been through it, but have a few friends that have. It's a crappy situation for everyone involved and around it. Please do not hesitate to post about it here if it helps. OTF is a community not just a sports forum.

Good luck and keep your head up. 🤘

[Jordan91]

I learned this the hard way. It’s really easy to get married and incredibly hard to divorce. I spent seventeen years (for better or worse) in a marriage I should have left after year three. I always wanted my marriage to be my only marriage. The process is hard but it does get better. I know it’s not something that will make you feel better now, but better days are ahead. Don’t worry about meeting somebody else. Find a way to make yourself happy on your own. Don’t let a relationship define your happiness. The joy comes when you aren’t looking for someone else and then bam you meet somebody. And that somebody will make you want to say thank you to your soon to be ex-wife. 

[Texas fan in Georgia]

7 minutes ago, Jordan91 said:

I learned this the hard way. It’s really easy to get married and incredibly hard to divorce. I spent seventeen years (for better or worse) in a marriage I should have left after year three. I always wanted my marriage to be my only marriage. The process is hard but it does get better. I know it’s not something that will make you feel better now, but better days are ahead. Don’t worry about meeting somebody else. Find a way to make yourself happy on your own. Don’t let a relationship define your happiness. The joy comes when you aren’t looking for someone else and then bam you meet somebody. And that somebody will make you want to say thank you to your soon to be ex-wife. 

I can relate to the should’ve left after 3 years part. We’ve been together 8 total years and it’s never been perfect. I can’t say I regret the relationship bc that’d mean I regret my son, he’s the only good thing to come of it. But I always tried to put the kids and their happiness first. My parents weren’t together at all and I always told myself I wouldn’t put my future kid in that situation and that they wouldn’t grow up with a broken household but some things are out of our control.

[Jordan91]

5 minutes ago, Texas fan in Georgia said:

I can relate to the should’ve left after 3 years part. We’ve been together 8 total years and it’s never been perfect. I can’t say I regret the relationship bc that’d mean I regret my son, he’s the only good thing to come of it. But I always tried to put the kids and their happiness first. My parents weren’t together at all and I always told myself I wouldn’t put my future kid in that situation and that they wouldn’t grow up with a broken household but some things are out of our control.

Spending 14 more years cost me having children. My wife has children and I love them like me own but man I should have left.

[Burnt Orange Horn]

4 hours ago, Texas fan in Georgia said:

I hate to bring this to OTF, but I’m truly looking for guidance, has anybody been through divorce? My wife recently informed me of her intentions which was completely out of no where for me. I feel weird even asking this here, but if I’m being honest, I really have no where else to turn. We were together 8 years, have a child together and I’ve been her daughter’s father for these 8 years.  Just looking for guidance . If not allowed please delete

Take everything you can get and be the best father you can for your daughter.  It does not sound like this was a completely spontaneous act, so be prepared emotionally. It is all about what you can provide your daughter, now.

[Kevin C]

Hate to hear when anyone goes through divorce, it sucks for everyone, especially the kids.   Having a great atty and strong support system makes all the difference so you can focus on being the best dad you can be.   That is what matters most now.  
 

My brother in law went through divorce in the Austin area and his atty was incredible.   Message me if you want referral.   Highly recommend.    Good luck!! 

[Jc Dobbs]

Sorry to hear this, but...#1 admit it's over and allow your attorney to be as tough as needed because your spouse will, and get ready to hear her say and do things that will be hard for you to stomach.

#2 Sit down with your child and promise you will always be there to help and you will never leave and tell them you love them unconditionally and define that for them. Keep your promise.

#3 Take your attorney's advice. He/she does it for a living and has seen it all before.

For me...19 years of marriage and first few were good, but I realized my Ex didn't really want a husband, but she really did want an ATM.

My daughter was 10 and I stayed in her life even though my Ex moved out of state with her. She's now 29 and I have an excellent relationship with her and she's a UT alum (BS '17 with Highest Honors).

I've been single for 20 years now and actually prefer it...my Ex got remarried within a couple of years and I never speak to her. BTW, we had no infidelity, alcohol or drug issues. Ex filed for a legal separation and then I filed for divorce and we lived in a No Fault state.

Finally... realize you have to hit the reset button of Life and this will be financially difficult. How difficult? It's when I gave up my Season Tickets in 29U and had held the tickets for decades. Damn difficult!

Dedicate yourself to your religion and your friends and your Longhorns family. Keep that promise to your kid.

Best wishes and let me know if I can be of help.

 

[MBHORNSFAN]

Only thing I can add is what I have seen posted in the past from similar threads on this topic.  Sadly she probably has someone else already. Do not get caught up in emotion and giving too much in attempt to win her back. Get a lawyer asap and protect yourself.... Keep being a great dad and do not use the kid and speak bad of the other parent in front of the child... Good luck my man...

[TheNightKing]

16 hours ago, Texas fan in Georgia said:

I hate to bring this to OTF, but I’m truly looking for guidance, has anybody been through divorce? My wife recently informed me of her intentions which was completely out of no where for me. I feel weird even asking this here, but if I’m being honest, I really have no where else to turn. We were together 8 years, have a child together and I’ve been her daughter’s father for these 8 years.  Just looking for guidance . If not allowed please delete

i have been through one. Holler at me if you need me

[MJW2327]

Sorry to hear this - there are some good books that can help your mental clarity and process during tough times like these (DM me if you want suggestions). The act of mental reframing becomes crucial in times of adversity, for example, try reframing this into "what if this was a gift?" - like others have said, you'll grow in time to shift your perspective on these things and you'll be stronger for it

[Oldest Horn]

As hard as it may seem, keep it as civil as possible. You may not be a couple, but you be parents forever. Biggest scars I’ve witnessed have been on the children from a nasty and contentious divorce. 

[Texas fan in Georgia]

I wanna say thanks to everybody and the words of encouragement. Even if I didn’t personally respond I read each message with the most appreciation for this community. We had a conversation today where I’ve made my wishes clear and it seemed to go as well as I could hope for in the moment, now just to wait for the process to play out. I’ve had a better day today than I did yesterday and that’s step 1. Thanks guys and hookem

[El Pancho]

A prayer that you will find peace quickly with this. Even with a congenial divorce, I can still find regrets and frustration with leaving behind so many years. 

As mentioned above, get a lawyer ASAP.  Make him/her your confidant. They’ve been through most scenarios and can give you a good idea of what to expect and what to watch out for. 
 

You just mentioned that you expressed your expectations. Realize that anything you talk about can reset the “negotiations”. I was able to deal with my ex because we agreed that it was 50/50 for us. I would guess from the unexpected departure, your wife won’t be as forthcoming as amenable. 
 

Boy! The kids thing! Always remember that they are keeping track of their parents and what they do and say. In my case, my son told his mom ‘adios’ as she “abandoned” him in pursuit of her next husband. I doubt he ever trusts her again. 

Learn to like ad be yourself again. Happiness is within you. Something to share with someone in life- not find in someone. Your love is a gift as is the love someone will give you. You will find another, just be open to trusting again. I was one of the lucky ones to find another that has been a blessing for my son and me. 
 

Best of luck to you, Brother!

[stephanie]

19 minutes ago, Texas fan in Georgia said:

I wanna say thanks to everybody and the words of encouragement. Even if I didn’t personally respond I read each message with the most appreciation for this community. We had a conversation today where I’ve made my wishes clear and it seemed to go as well as I could hope for in the moment, now just to wait for the process to play out. I’ve had a better day today than I did yesterday and that’s step 1. Thanks guys and hookem

I’m sorry this is happening. I’ll share a mistake my sister made when she got divorced 11 years ago. Their son was 10 at the time. During the divorce process her soon to be ex made what seemed to her sincere promises about sharing the financial aspect as their son grew into teenage years. She took him at his word & didn’t address things in writing in the divorce decree. When the kid reached high school the ex reneged on all those financial promises. It was a mess. She admitted later she wished she had been insistent on putting everything into the decree. So, be careful, get a really good attorney. Hoping for brighter days to come your way. 

[Pwood]

I agree with a lot of what was said above. A couple of other things that helped me. You will go through the 5 stages grief - just be prepared for those feelings (therapy or a book can be of benefit). I chose therapy after a close friend’s suggestion; she gave me some great tools. One of the best was when I couldn’t stop thinking about it, she told me to just get up and do anything (drink of water, snack, restroom, walk outside - anything) - to break my train of thought - it worked wonders. Journaling can also help you work through your thoughts and emotions - I don’t like journaling, but it did help during that time. It sounds crazy, but writing things down can manifest them (there is science behind it). I was devastated & blindsided also, but it turned out to be blessing!